“Mommy, are you trying to lose weight?”

“Mommy, are you exercising to lose weight?”

…Que the heart sinking…

That’s what my five year old asked me yesterday as she was helping me work out.  

Now, let that sink in for a minute…

…Ugh…

…back to the moment…

A lump rose in my throat. My heart stopped. I froze and I was pretty sure I was going to burst into tears.

Of course my first reaction was to go directly to the place of  “My daughter thinks I’m fat!  I’m that fat mom!  My daughter is embarrassed by me.  She wants me to be the cute skinny mama.  She thinks I need to lose weight. I’m a failure.  I’m a terrible mom…”

Luckily, after years of working on my own shizz (as my friend Lysa would say), I quickly hopped off that negative self-talk train and asked her why she would ask me such a crazy question.

You see, in our house, we don’t use the word fat because it’s mean.  We don’t talk about other people’s body type or appearance. We don’t talk about diets or losing weight or fitting into our skinny jeans.

In fact, we don’t even own a scale.  

I also make it a point to not discuss my body in front of my children.  And I certainly would never look in the mirror and ask them if my a$$ looked big in XYZ.

Why, you ask? Well probably for the same reason you are reading this now.  

Our culture is obsessed with wondering “does my a$$ look fat in this?”  We are constantly seeking external approval for internal validation of our own self worth.

And I just won’t have that for my kids.  I believe that they are worth more than that, and I believe that you are worth more than that.

In our house, we talk about working out to be strong or to feel good or to be outside and enjoy nature.  We talk about our bodies being strong and healthy, not skinny or lean.  We don’t comment when people gain or lose weight.  

We teach our children about the nutritional qualities of food and the chemicals that are sometimes in them.  We teach our children to nourish their bodies with food for fuel and to eat mindfully.  

But we also teach them that in our culture food is pleasure and family and tradition.  We teach them to listen to their bodies when they eat food and to realize what food make them feel good and what food makes them feel bad. And when they are on their 4th hot dog we remind them of that – rather than reprimanding them for their choice.  

In our house, no food is “bad” because when you eat “bad” food, you are “bad” and we believe that our kids aren’t just “not bad” but they are amazing.

We believe in giving them the tools to make healthy choices, rather than simply telling them what they can and cannot eat.

We believe all of these things because we believe that food is not the enemy and that our bodies are sacred. And we teach our children that they are the only THEM that the world will ever see.  That their bodies are a gift and that they should treat them as such.  That they are healthy and strong and powerful that they should respect their bodies because they are sacred.

Now… after all that… wanna know why she said it?  

She heard it from a commercial on TV.  Yup – all that mental BS that my brain went straight to for absolutely no good freakin’ reason.

But… I am telling you all this for one reason…

If you and I grew up knowing these ideals and thoughts on body-image and self worth, our minds would have never gone there in the first place.

You, my friend, deserve to quiet that mean-girl, crazy-train voice in your head and YOU have the power to stop her from ever entering your daughters.

Take a minute to think about how you talk to yourself about your body and about the food that you choose to put in it.  And then take a minute to think about how you want your daughter to talk to herself, because I guarantee you that your voice will become her voice.

You are amazing just as you are, right here, right now – and so is she.

Did this article strike a chord with you?  If so, was it good or bad? Let me know in the comments below, I love learning from other mamas.

XO,